‘Start the Car - The Musical’

On Thursday night CricketChicks went to see David Lloyd’s live show - ‘Bumble Takes To The Road’ - and it was brilliant. Non-stop laughs from beginning to end.

Opening with that famous incident involving Thommo (you know, the one where Lloyd got hit in his nether regions and had to retire to the dressing room in order to have his box surgically removed) and closing with him being mistaken for Clive Lloyd (you know, the former captain of the West Indies) when he signed for Cumberland in 1995, Bumble recounted his time as player, coach and umpire, as well as giving his verdict on players past and present in a ‘this is your life’ style show. While those of us who had read Bumble’s recent book (Star the Car: The World According to Bumble) had heard some of the tales before, I can honestly say, that it didn’t matter one bit. Lloyd’s enthusiasm, actions and accents (ranging from Yorkshire to Australian to Indian) added a dimension which could never be achieved through simply reading off a page. As the old adage goes, ‘its how he tells them’, and Bumble certainly is a master story teller.

Aside from the hilarious, the second half of the show included a question and answer session, in which Bumble displayed his deep knowledge for the game he so clearly loves. His predictions on Ashes selections and outcome being particularly interesting. CricketChicks could have listened to Bumble all night long. This show is a must for all cricket fans.

KP’s Progress

There are thirty-three days left until the Ashes begins and one of the main topics of the build-up conservation has been Kevin Pietersen. England’s star batsman who, of late, has been somewhat out of form. Beginning back in 2009, with an Achilles injury which took longer to heal than anticipated, KP has struggled for runs. He last scored a century back in May 2009. Aside from this, however, there have also been questions over his mental attitude. A new baby, the shock of losing the captaincy and being a whiteness to the implementation of the type of coaching structure he desperately wanted as captain, are all potential reasons for the loss of the ‘KP strut’. The ex-Australian coach, John Buchanan, has most recently branded KP an “individualist” and “fragmentary” figure within the England team. While Strauss has been quick to come out in support of his star batsman, the ‘KP question’ must surely be a concern for the England management. There are, after all, only thirty-three days to go.

While CricketChicks have never been KP’s biggest fans, they were impressed by his decision to play in South Africa (for the Kwazulu Natal Dolphins) in a bid to regain some form. They were less impressed, however, with scores of just 36 and 0. Not only was this far from ideal preparation, but it did nothing to put the niggling doubts to bed. It seems then, that the pre-Ashes warm-up games will be crucial for both KP and the England management as they contemplate their starting eleven come November 25th. With the opening positions most likely already cemented (Cook’s century at the Oval, against Pakistan, being enough to secure him a start at least), as well as numbers three and five (most likely Trott and Collingwood), the question marks hang over positions four and six. For these two places, there remains three batsman - Bell, Morgan and Pietersen. While a little while ago the thought of leaving out KP would have been unthinkable, it now doesn’t seem that ludicrous. As while an in form KP is undoubtedly one of the best in the world (a batsman who can take a game away from the opposition), the KP of late is of little use to anyone.

ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES A LOSER

Australia’s recent loss to India (2-0 in a two match series) is good news for England. Firstly, it means Australia have fallen to fifth in the ICC world rankings; one place below England. Secondly, it is the first time for over twenty years, that the mighty Aussies have lost three test matches in a row. In terms of Ashes preparation then, things couldn’t have gone worse for dear old Ricky Ponting. With his batsman failing to capitalise on relatively flat wickets (a lack of big hundreds being one of the main reasons for their failure) and with his bowlers offering little penetration (despite taking the prized wicket of Tendulkar - who had already made his sixth double hundred - debutant Peter George looked particularly ineffective), the skipper will be hoping for the return to form of a number of key players (the two Michaels, Hussey and Clark, have contributed little in recent times) and the return to fitness of a handful of others (Siddle and Hodge in particular) come the 25th November. Psychologically, the Aussies confidence must have taken a knock. After dominating world cricket from the late 1990’s right through the Noughties, to be ranked in the middle of the table (and thus, by definition, nothing more than average) requires a massive mental adjustment. The fact that England, the old enemy, are ranked above them, only adds insult to injury. Yet, despite recent events being undoubtedly good news for England’s chances of retaining the Ashes, one shouldn’t right Australia off. In their own back yard, with a number of key players back in action and (perhaps most importantly) with a point to prove, Australia will still be fierce competitors. Don’t be surprised then, if over the course of the five match series, we see glimmers of the old Australia.

One thing that must be making Ponting feel better though, is the fact that New Zealand have lost a ODI series against Bangladesh, which currently stands at 3-0. What is going on with New Zealand cricket? While Bangladesh are stronger in the shorter format, so too are NZ. They shouldn’t have lost to them and need to take a long hard look at what’s going wrong.

The ICC Awards

When Graeme Swann was omitted from the ICC’s initial shortlist for cricketer of the year, one should have realised that the awards were never going to be good for English cricket. And so it was.

After having just watched them, I am thoroughly disappointed. Out of the nine awards given (excluding the award for umpire of the year), only one went to an Englishmen - congratulations Steven Finn. The rest were divided up between a couple for New Zealand, one for a South African, one for an Australian, one for a Dutchman and three for the Indians. While you may well argue that the West Indies, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka and Pakistan got nothing (the latter hardly being a surprise - oh, the irony if they had won the Spirit of Cricket award!), England have been a team on the up. Having had, I think you would agree, a pretty good twelve months. 2009 and 2010 have seen them regain the ashes, get to the semi-finals of the Champions Trophy, draw a test match series and win a ODI series in South Africa, become world Twenty20 Champions, beat Bangladesh both home and away and beat Pakistan in all formats. Taking all this into consideration then, I was shocked not only by the lack of awards handed out to Englishmen, but also by the lack of nominations.

Undeniably, Indian cricket has also had a very good twelve months. They are the number one test team in the world and the brilliance of Tendulkar can never be in question (his double hundred in that ODI against South Africa was sublime). Yet, I think the ICC could have recognised the improvement of the English team and the emergence/improvement of some of our players more than they did. The fact that Eoin Morgan was not picked for the ICC ODI squad, nor a contender for the emerging player of the year, is baffling. Likewise, for Strauss. I think he was mentioned once, as a candidate for the peoples choice award (whatever that is!). Also, considering England are world Twenty20 champions, surely at least one of our players should have been nominated for Twenty20 performance of the year? Yet, the greatest travesty of all is the fact that Graeme Swann received nothing, nought, zilch. He has been a star for England - by far our best bowler of 2009/2010 - and with Murali retried, undoubtedly the best Off Spinner in the world.

Held in India, presented by a former Indian player and dominated by Indian successes, the ICC awards are looking increasingly biased. This is something the ICC needs to address. Here’s hoping that next year English talent is properly recognised.

Who won what at the ICC awards:

Cricketer of the Year (winning the Sir Garfield Sobers Trophy) - Sachin Tendulkar (Ind)

Women's Cricketer of the Year - Shelley Nitschke (Aus)

Test Player of the Year - Virender Sehwag (Ind)

ODI Player of the Year - AB de Villiers (SA)

Emerging Player of the Year - Steven Finn (Eng)

Associate and Affiliate Player of the Year - Ryan ten Doeschate (Ned)

Twenty20 International Performance of the Year - Brendon McCullum (NZ)

Spirit of Cricket - New Zealand

People’s Choice Award - Sachin Tendulkar (Ind)

Umpire of the Year (winning the David Shepherd Trophy) - Aleem Dar (PAK)

THE ART OF SLEDGING

A tour to Australia is tough for many reasons. Physically, the heat can be ferocious. In terms of ability, playing one of the best teams in the world (in conditions they know so well), is never going to be easy. Yet, it’s the mental side of an Ashes series in Australia, which is often commented on as being the toughest test of all. The Aussies (and I’m talking about both players and supporters) are the masters of sledging. They simply revel in their oppositions “mental disintegration.” In anticipation then, of the war of words coming up, CricketChicks have selected a few of their favourite sledging quotes. Enjoy.

THE ASHES 2005

Are you Bangladesh in disguise?
Barmy Army

He's fat, he's round, he bounces on the ground, Shane Warne, Shane Warne.
Barmy Army

Get your sh*t stars off our flag.
Barmy Army

That Glenn McGrath ... what a bastard.
Mick Jagger

I smiled at Ricky Ponting. He didn't smile back. He was in a terrible temper for some reason. Quite why he was blaming me when his partner, Damien Martyn, had called him for a suicidal single to cover, I don't know. You know what's more? All the palaver caused me to burn my toast.
Duncan Fletcher on the fallout from the infamous Gary Pratt run out

The kindest thing you can say about their performance is that it was shoddy but you can think of many stronger words to use.
Richie Benaud

ENGLAND VS. AUSTRALIA (From the Victorian era to the present day!)

Mark Waugh : F**k me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England.
James Ormond : Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family.

Don't bother shutting it, son, you won't be there long enough.
Fred Truman to incoming Aussie batsman as he opened the gate on his way out to the middle at Lord's

Tap that one down you little b*stard.
Tony Lock bowls a bouncer at Richie Benaud following a prolonged spell of gardening

You are a damned lot of sneaks.
WG Grace to Midwinter, The Oval, 1877

They are capital winners out here, but I'm afraid the same adjective cannot be applied to them as losers.
Lord Harris, on tour in Australia in 1879

The aim of English cricket is, in fact, mainly to beat Australia.
Jim Laker

Aussies are big and empty, just like their country.
Ian Botham

A cricket tour in Australia would be the most delightful period in one's life, if one was deaf.
Harold Larwood

Well bowled Harold!
Douglas Jardine after Larwood fells Woodfull with a ball in the chest

All Australians are an uneducated and unruly mob.
Douglas Jardine. Comment made to Australian wicket keeper Stork Hendry during the infamous 1932-1933 Bodyline series

The only one who really got up my nose was Steve Waugh who spent the entire series giving out verbals. A bit of a joke really when he was the one bloke wetting himself against the quick bowlers.
Michael Atherton

Merv is a funny guy, though he would sledge his own mother if he thought it would help the cause.
Gladstone Small

AUSTRALIA VS. ENGLAND

Hell, Gatt, move out of the way, I can't see the stumps.
Dennis Lillee

What do you think this is, a f***ing tea party? No you can't have a f***ing glass of water. You can f***ing wait like all the rest of us.
Allan Border to Robin Smith

Mate, if you turn the bat over, you'll see the instructions on the back!
Merv Hughes to Robin Smith

Merv Hughes : You can't f**king bat.
Robin Smith : Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f**king bat and you can't f**king bowl.

Tufnell! Can I borrow your brain? I'm building an idiot.
Voice from the crowd, Newcastle Test

You've got to bat on this in a minute, Tufnell. Hospital food suit you?
Craig McDermott to Phil Tufnell

Don't swat those flies, Jardine, they're the only friends here you've got!
Yabba

Don't give the bastard a drink. Let him die of thirst.
Voice from the crowd while Jardine was batting during the Bodyline series

The sound of the ball hitting the batsman's skull was music to my ears.
Thomson

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